OVER THE T-OPTIMISM: POSITIVITY HAS A LIMIT TOO!
Ever come across someone who is a ray of sunshine, always smiling and so optimistic that you want to… punch them in the face? Everyone has. Not to sound like a Negative Nancy, but enough with the positivity!
While arithmetic may state otherwise, all positives do make a negative. The phenomenon of toxic positivity has been brought to light relatively recently. But like they say, better late than never! Before we delve too deep, let’s first discuss what toxic positivity really implies.
In simplest terms, If I’m an optimist, I would say something like, “I’m here for you, no matter what.” However, if I practice toxic optimism, I would say, “Everything happens for good.” Positivity would be looking at life solution-oriented, expecting good out of situations, and being hopeful. Now imagine a life full of rainbows and roses, where everyone is humane, and you’re Louis Armstrong, and the world is wonderful, sorrow is a construct of society, and happiness isn’t a feeling anymore. It’s an imposition. That’s where you cross the line to the dark side. Toxic positivity isn’t something made up by the pessimists of the world, it is rather a realist’s perspective.
It is always nice to help others out, make them feel good about themselves, and contribute to making the world a better place. But you never know when you might cross the line. For instance, one of your friends is going through a tough time. Would your first reply be “We are lucky, some people have it much worse”? Or something to the effect of “Happiness is a choice”? It may sound like a pep talk to you, but it’s a big thumbs down. You, my friend, unfortunately, have been affected by toxic positivity.
In a global pandemic where many have lost their loved ones and role models, the most common virus to affect us will have to be the toxic optimism virus. This may not have landed people in quarantine, but it sure has affected the lives of many. The cause? Exposure to too much positivity. The coronavirus came with its ups and downs, with anxiety throughout the world, initially about what led to the pandemic and recently about the vaccines and their effects. In this atmosphere of paranoia and apprehension, one needs reassurance and warmth, and toxic positivity is a potential threat to an individual’s wellbeing. So the takebacks from the pandemic would be: Wear a disposable mask, not one that hides your authentic self!
While “toxic” has become a commonplace word nowadays, considering how relationships fall like dominos, how does the phenomenon of “toxic positivity” affect one?
This situation causes one to suppress one’s emotions. Research shows that emotional repression may cause an increase in heart rate. More significant levels of negative affect, lower positive affect, more unfortunate social change, and diminished wellbeing have been connected to the concealment of feelings. (Campbell-Sills et al., 2006)
Another consequence of this is invalidating one’s feelings and emotions. This essentially makes the person feel ashamed to have felt a particular type of way.
Parents across the Indian subcontinent manage to make one’s problems seem minute because “kids are dying of hunger, at least you have a shelter over your head.” You could be struggling with your grades but, hey! You have access to education, and you’re going to a private school. You can’t complain.
Finally, toxic positivity can also discourage expression and ultimately arrest growth as a human being.
Now that the basics have been covered, the question is, where do you draw the line? It’s simple. In one word: Empathy, in many: Would you want to hear what you’re going to say? More importantly, understand that negative feelings are also feelings. Suppression would only cause build-up, which, not unlike a volcano, would unavoidably lead to an explosion.
Life isn’t about making the best out of everything or seeing the good in every one or putting quotes on your Instagram that tell you to keep smiling through it all. It’s about acceptance, about making peace with the fact that if you didn’t have the bad days, you wouldn’t value the good!
Not every cloud has a silver line,
and feeling good is as valid as feeling just fine!
